Ah, the power of a correctly punctuated sentence!
When I wrote a blog post about language and translator jokes, I was asked to make it into a series. There are so many language related jokes, and this post is dedicated to punctuation jokes that serve as an example on just why it is crucial to get your punctuation right.
Punctuation is extremely important. Misplaced apostrophes, commas and question marks have resulted in costing companies fortunes and breaking many people’s hearts around the world. While we joke about it, the moral behind the joke is to actually make sure one is using punctuation correctly in their sentence.
Below is a list of funny punctuation jokes.
A giant panda goes into one of those expensive and pretentious restaurants serving French/Asian fusion cuisine and takes a table for one. The surprised waiter for that table explains unctuously that his name is Marcel, he will be your server tonight, and we ‘ave a number of specials (he is French), etc., etc. The panda listens impassively to the list of $27 chili-pepper encrusted swordfish specials and so on, and then orders a delicately flavored dish of young bamboo tips and mixed greenery served with steamed jasmine rice. On finishing his meal, the panda gets up, reaches into his fur for a handgun, brings down the waiter with one shot, and calmly heads for the door.
The head waiter is near the door and exclaims in shock, “Oh, monsieur, what ‘ave you done? You ‘ave killed Marcel! Why ‘ave you done zis, monsieur? You ‘ad some problem? Ze service was not acceptable?”
The panda scowls at him and says, “I’m a panda. Go look it up.” He stalks out into the night.
The baffled staff huddle round the compact encyclopedic dictionary that they keep on the premises, and turning to Panda, giant, they read this:
Panda, giant. Large bear-like animal, Ailuropoda melanoleuca, with distinctive black and white markings, related to raccoon family. Rare; found only in bamboo forests of Tibet and western China. Eats shoots and leaves.
An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.” The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”
Why did the comma break up with the question mark?
Because it questioned everything.
Why did the comma break up with the apostrophe?
Because it was too possessive.
Why did the comma break up with the exclamation point?
It was always yelling!
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the ends of its paws and a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
The teacher asked Pepito to use the word “hyphenated” in a sentence.
Pepito said, “There used to be a space between these two words, but there isn’t anymore because a hyphen ate it.”
If you don’t think punctuation is important, trying forgetting the comma when you tell someone “I’m sorry, I love you”.
Without punctuation, you could actually be a psycho and like cooking your family and your dogs.
Joking apart, the following is a very strong example on how punctuation can change the entire meaning of a sentence/text.
I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let me be yours?
Now reread the letter which is punctuated in a completely different way.
I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?
Do you know any other funny punctuation jokes or interesting punctuation examples? Please share them by commenting below!